Dressed in summer, skin bronzed, body tingling. She was the girl caught in the death grips of anxiety. The self hate and the endless search for happiness were only completely cured by the pills her mother gave her. Pop one, pop two and the weight was off her shoulders. She was a lost child to this generation, constantly at war with her brain. Always making herself feel less than and then bringing herself back up with some magic chemical reaction lodged in a capsule or boy or anything beyond her. Dressed to impress, she sat in the driver’s seat of a new car, her right foot weighing down on the pedal. Next to her sat her boyfriend, but he was gone to his subconscious, lost in a dream. He was striving so hard to be happy but the pain he had endured thus far in life made it nearly impossible. It was a car filled with dysfunction and love. They were polar opposites brought together by suffering. Neither of them had ever had a real family or had been taught how to function as working parts of society. They relied on each other to fill the void each had, however she paid a higher cost. The extra concealer on her left eye was not exactly trying to conceal lack of sleep, but she loved him and needed someone to keep her stable.
They had planned this vacation to the west coast for months. This trip had to be perfect. She had to prove them all wrong. She was happy, lucky, free and loved. By now she had been driving for a few hours. Her mind wandered to the feeling of a few weeks prior: she had been miserable and trying to escape her mother’s bad habits and dark habitat. She reached for any escape to keep her sane in limbo. She looked down and caught a glimpse of the abbreviation "KC" written in ink on her hand. She smiled to herself, trying to remain present to the heat and desert. The car sped 80 mph down the west Texas highway. The only sound present was the wind hitting the front of the car, sliding down the sides, encapsulating it and then passing. She looked to her boyfriend. Despite everything she loved him quietly and completely. It made her feel okay and everything worked out better that way. Everything was still and semi-sweet perfect; the calm before the storm.
All of a sudden, like a raindrop falling and then finally making contact with concrete, the giant monster that lived inside her brain cells broke free. It hit the side of the car with an intense rage and power that pushed it towards the dirt median. She screamed, her lungs pouring out of her. Her boyfriend was awake now, eyes and mouth wide open. She tried to steer the wheel the opposite way, but it was too late. She and the car were now completely out of control. She looked straight into the horizon and felt the end coming. A soft song played in her head as she looked forward for the last time. Her vision pin holed, like a sad movie ending slowly. She was gone into a dream or a deep emotion.
A white noise, no color, and an unsteady feeling. Her vision returned slowly in stop motion. A warm liquid covered her. No other senses seemed to be working. She couldn't remember if she had cried. Her brain was equivalent to a cloud, nothing tangible to help her react. She looked to her right to make sure he was okay. He was yelling but she could not process his words. He unbuckled her but she remained in a newborn state. Ever so slowly she began to feel. She concluded the warm liquid was blood, her vision still in black and white. The car was on fire but she could not understand it. He begged her to get out. She still could not process his lips. She looked down and saw the "KC" on her hand – “keep calm.” She took one last euphoric breath and put a smile on her face. She had finally reached the numbness she so sought. Her skin, bones and senses meant nothing to her now. She was wrapped in a deep, black velvet blanket. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. She was happy, lucky, free and loved.
They had planned this vacation to the west coast for months. This trip had to be perfect. She had to prove them all wrong. She was happy, lucky, free and loved. By now she had been driving for a few hours. Her mind wandered to the feeling of a few weeks prior: she had been miserable and trying to escape her mother’s bad habits and dark habitat. She reached for any escape to keep her sane in limbo. She looked down and caught a glimpse of the abbreviation "KC" written in ink on her hand. She smiled to herself, trying to remain present to the heat and desert. The car sped 80 mph down the west Texas highway. The only sound present was the wind hitting the front of the car, sliding down the sides, encapsulating it and then passing. She looked to her boyfriend. Despite everything she loved him quietly and completely. It made her feel okay and everything worked out better that way. Everything was still and semi-sweet perfect; the calm before the storm.
All of a sudden, like a raindrop falling and then finally making contact with concrete, the giant monster that lived inside her brain cells broke free. It hit the side of the car with an intense rage and power that pushed it towards the dirt median. She screamed, her lungs pouring out of her. Her boyfriend was awake now, eyes and mouth wide open. She tried to steer the wheel the opposite way, but it was too late. She and the car were now completely out of control. She looked straight into the horizon and felt the end coming. A soft song played in her head as she looked forward for the last time. Her vision pin holed, like a sad movie ending slowly. She was gone into a dream or a deep emotion.
A white noise, no color, and an unsteady feeling. Her vision returned slowly in stop motion. A warm liquid covered her. No other senses seemed to be working. She couldn't remember if she had cried. Her brain was equivalent to a cloud, nothing tangible to help her react. She looked to her right to make sure he was okay. He was yelling but she could not process his words. He unbuckled her but she remained in a newborn state. Ever so slowly she began to feel. She concluded the warm liquid was blood, her vision still in black and white. The car was on fire but she could not understand it. He begged her to get out. She still could not process his lips. She looked down and saw the "KC" on her hand – “keep calm.” She took one last euphoric breath and put a smile on her face. She had finally reached the numbness she so sought. Her skin, bones and senses meant nothing to her now. She was wrapped in a deep, black velvet blanket. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. She was happy, lucky, free and loved.
