it hit me
this was the first time i had actually been alone in a very long time
someone had been around me for the past 5 months
I had been stripped of everything that had made me human
things as primitive as the right to flush my own pee
and now i was out
on the generic red airport carpet
the first few steps after leaving rehab are the most epic, out of body steps you will ever take.
you feel so great and happy and ready
but in the back of your mind you know that at any second you could fall into the deep void again
one freedom you give yourself one thing you say you will only do once..
but you suppress it
and keep walking
looking at all the faces around
wondering where they had been the past 5 months
intrigued by their regular lives
and the fact that they had not been confined and asked how they were feeling endlessly
rehab makes you weak i think,
it makes you soft
and if the whole world were a rehab
that would be fine
but the truth is
the world hurts, and runs and doesn't care how hurt you are
or what you feel
or what you feel
reaching the boarding gate the fear is more clear and crippling
i feel people judging my tears
"this crazy bitch
what is she so scared of,
its just a homeland flight
and well be there in less than an hour"
but to me
once we hit the clouds
i've hit freedom
