Did it ever change? or is now my numbness unconscious?
does she listen to yr music and feel a dream
like I did
And does he fill me with new things
like you did
I'm turing so cliche
helplessly  romanticizing something I can't have now
I tell them that I hate you
because its whats expected
but I'd like to,
tell you
to please stop hurting yourself,
to please stop hurting
you deserve happiness
i'd kiss yr tears and for a moment
it could all seem so real
but i know yr too far gone
and if you loved me
you would have loved yourself
so i grow a custom to the pain
and every day i lose myself a little more

i amnot diffrent from when i was sixteen. im still filthy free and unsober. my minds still races, and I still dont care. Ive finally aceppted me. i love me. It took 24 years but i found. Now i just need to find my match

Hopefully there is another cell out their like mine
multiplying to old acid music
wrapped in a sweet velvet dream
Hopefully our cells will cross
and I'll stop feeling so distant
I don't believe in yr idea of right
I promise
I wont be

I am a sad sappy sucker for anything warm, alone, detaching.

I could amount the powders
and loss of feeling
and emotion
and exclude myself forever.

All encompassing velvet blanket. 

disappear into dark

I am obsessed with this.

warm sweet itch. I want to not want. I want to never want. 

The order it brings. Everything so deep in me

I am obsessed with you

white warm 

true

I'll pay for my happiness like the rest of you

sometime i close my eyes
and I wish for a small life in a small town
simple

sometimes i close my eyes
and i feel like i should have had your baby

trying hard to think twice before i fall head first into whatever i used to be

Ive been blocking myself. Ive been down low.