I don't mean to be selfish
But I can't find any other way
I want you to know the words are written, printed
know I miss you
We will meet again
We will always be together
The two of us
I have you flowing in my veins
Slowly
sometimes all at once,
Completely
I'm taken over by the feeling of you not there
Yr eyes, yr smile
And every plan that came out of yr mouth
I'm looking for you in sine waves
I sit and trace yr place next to me
Knowing back then id close my eyes alone
And you would be my first vision in the morning
All the times I couldn't tell you I was sad and hurt.
All the times I couldn't say no,
Not even to you

A person who felt pain like me
Life like me
You'll never know
How many ways you stayed with me
You've touched me, in every last place
I long to feel yr warmth press against my chest
To stare into yr endless eyes
To breakdown freely into fractals
We've been dead together
And we will die again together
I just wanted someone a mess like me
Without the problems like me
I write whenever I want to feel you near me
You will always
Be inside me

Did it ever change? or is now my numbness unconscious?
does she listen to yr music and feel a dream
like I did
And does he fill me with new things
like you did
I'm turing so cliche
helplessly  romanticizing something I can't have now
I tell them that I hate you
because its whats expected
but I'd like to,
tell you
to please stop hurting yourself,
to please stop hurting
you deserve happiness
i'd kiss yr tears and for a moment
it could all seem so real
but i know yr too far gone
and if you loved me
you would have loved yourself
so i grow a custom to the pain
and every day i lose myself a little more

i amnot diffrent from when i was sixteen. im still filthy free and unsober. my minds still races, and I still dont care. Ive finally aceppted me. i love me. It took 24 years but i found. Now i just need to find my match

Hopefully there is another cell out their like mine
multiplying to old acid music
wrapped in a sweet velvet dream
Hopefully our cells will cross
and I'll stop feeling so distant
I don't believe in yr idea of right
I promise
I wont be

I am a sad sappy sucker for anything warm, alone, detaching.

I could amount the powders
and loss of feeling
and emotion
and exclude myself forever.

All encompassing velvet blanket. 

disappear into dark

I am obsessed with this.

warm sweet itch. I want to not want. I want to never want. 

The order it brings. Everything so deep in me

I am obsessed with you

white warm 

true

I'll pay for my happiness like the rest of you

sometime i close my eyes
and I wish for a small life in a small town
simple

sometimes i close my eyes
and i feel like i should have had your baby

trying hard to think twice before i fall head first into whatever i used to be